What did I say about homeschooling?

So yet again I find myself second guessing my choice concerning school for my children, in particular Gage. In the past every time I have gone back and forth this much I finally ended up jumping in with both feet never looking back and regretting not doing it sooner.

When I said I have thought about home schooling what I really meant to say was unschooling. That is right I said UNschooling. When Kain first started school I admit I was considering home schooling out of not knowing all my options available to me. And although I loved being home schooled myself it was the "pressure", the very same I would be trying to protect my children from by home schooling them, that I feared the most. The pressure I would be putting on myself to do "good enough" as what the teachers could do for them. But soon after Gage started school I discovered the world of unschooling.

Now THIS was something I got excited about! What better way to teach a child than to not teach them at all?! To let them simply live and explore life, to get excited about new discoveries and the wonders of every day. This, this, THIS was something I could see embracing and allowing my children to find themselves with!

But as I said just a few weeks ago I once against found myself leaning towards leaving them in school as their teachers seemed like people that could reach them in ways I couldn't. But for every "good" day that Gage has at school he has just as many if not more bad days and when I say good days it is not anywhere near the excitement I see on Aubriel's face after her much awaited day of painting or Kain's boast of pride after taking his talents to the next level. It is him simply making it through an okay day. There is never any joy or excitement on his face unless it has to do with lunch or recess and even those are few and far between without his brother by his side during these times this year.

Now I know it is challenging for anyone to get back to the every day grind after having a vacation or a few days off of sorts but in the last month and half this seemed to be much greater for Gage than the other two children. I think he stayed "content" (if you could even call it that) for maybe about a week or so after we met with his teacher and I had an ease about the situation I had not had up until that point. But like his contentment it was short lived as he woke up this morning crabbier than ever about having to go back to school after our weekend away visiting family. I must say between that and the fact that Gage informed me last Friday when I picked him up from school that another kid choked his friend earlier in the day I was not too keen on taking my kids to school either.

Now I wish I could say that I would just pull my kids out of this school and put them in another to protect them from things like this happening but I am not so naive to think that these things do not take place at other schools. As I have said before I really like their school for the most part and the things I don't (such as kids choking other ones) unfortunately take place at most if not all schools in some way, shape, or form. So I once again sucked up the doubt I had floating around in my head about the "informed" choice I have made to send my kids to public school and rush around like we do each and every morning only to drop them off 10 minutes late and try to hug and kiss them full of enough love to last them until late afternoon when I pick them up as I walked them up to the door only to come home and read one of the most incredible things ever which would shake me back to my natural, basic instinct as a mother and ask the question EVERY mother will ask herself at least once while raising her children, "what the %*&$ am I doing?"

What was it? Nearly the very thing I felt and spoke of to many that asked me how I like being home schooled, except written better, spoken better and about something better - unschooling!