On the Twelfth Day of Yule...

December has brought with it as it always does wonderful memories... I think it is both mine and David's favorite time of year, although Autumn is our favorite season, December seems to make winter all worth while. Although this year the most precious blessing is today... the end of the year! Although it has been a rough year for our family and so many dear loved ones it isn't so much the ending per se that is worthy of celebration but rather the promise of tomorrow. After this year I think many of us can use some hope of the future, new memories, new joys and new celebrations. The year was full of growth and change, some welcomed, most challenging, all worth while but the thought of tucking these bitter sweet memories away and starting fresh with a clean slate is more appealing than one can imagine right now. It is not just the completion of a year but of a decade and this last year has prepared me more than any other to welcome the next 10 years with open arms. Tonight is a Blue Moon which happens to be an extra special way to transition into the next year, decade, season of life. May all my loved ones be filled with love, hope, promise and warm wishes as they welcome 2010!!!

On the Eleventh Day of Yule...

November brought an extra special appreciation for my dear, sweet, amazingly, loving husband. I would like to think I always appreciate him but I know it would be almost impossible for me to as much as I really should. My birthday falls in November and it has always been a time of heartache for me since it seems to fall during hunting season and always around Thanksgiving if not on it some years. But David always goes out of his way and above and beyond to make my day special even if he happens to be gone on the days surrounding or friends and family are busy with other plans. I guess it is the little things like this that remind you how truly lucky one is to have such an awesome person in their lives and how very blessed I am to have such a pure love every day of mine!

On the Tenth Day of Yule...

October brought not only the celebration of my 4th child, Brody's, 4th birthday who has been an amazing blessing to our family but a surprise visit from a very dear friend. It was actually his 3rd visit this year and each time it brought me such joy since it had been years since I had seen him before this year. While this visit came about out of sadness for him it was certainly welcomed by those that love him. He is very much like a brother to me and Dave and I have spoke often about how you can forget how very much you miss someone until they are brought back into your life. The children have even been thrilled with his visits and he has inspired many of them with his talents. However reconnecting with him was not the only blessing... just like one can forget how very much someone can mean to you until you are reunited, sometimes there visit can remind you of another similar relationship you have almost every day you may take for granite. I have been blessed with two brother like relationships and there is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for the role they play in my life, especially during the times Dave and I may struggle with our own sibling relationships!

On the Ninth Day of Yule...

September is always a sweet month for David and I, not only do we simply love the month, the coolness in the air, the changing of the leaves but we were married in September. Not once but twice, simply because we wanted two weddings. This year was 11 years for us and it was a HUGE boost for us while we continued to walk through the most difficult year of our marriage but luckily our love and devotion for one another never swayed. September was rough as we were settling into all that had transpired over the last several months but the celebration of our union made it more than tolerable and that was truly a blessing! This song was played at our wedding and reminds me every time I hear it why we are so incredibly blessed to have one another!

On the Eighth Day of Yule...

August brought with it the blessings of unpacking after our move which really isn't a blessing at all. But what was is that the sale on our house was pushed back which allowed us more time to move little things over to the new place. What it offered us even more was a chance to say more good-byes to the home that had given us such wonderful memories... the birth place of two of our children, the first steps taken, the first teeth lost, the first day of school pictures taken on the front porch, the place they were taught to ride their first bike, the first swing set in the backyard, the children inspired paint jobs in the bedrooms, the holiday memories and so many more that can't even be counted. The last few days when went back to our old home were kind of sad as we walked through the empty house but that time oh so needed!

On the Seventh Day of Yule...

In July we found a new place to live. At the time it did not feel like much of a blessing to my broken heart that was still fixated on the place we found the month before but looking back on how quickly it all came together and worked out, it couldn't have been much better. The bottom line was that I had a place to move my family and that alone was probably the best blessing of the year. We said it often as we moved, it doesn't matter where we are as long as we are all together, but it never truly sunk in until we actually let it settle into our souls for some time and the fact that we are all together IS the biggest blessing of all!

On the Sixth Day of Yule...

We are half way through the year and I suppose the end of Yule as well. June is the birth month of our sweet little princess and like the boys she is always a blessing to us but I suppose just a tad sweeter being the only girl... some days or a tad more drama filled as her brothers would say, ha, ha! We found the PERFECT place to move to in June and I honestly felt like things couldn't fall into place much better. I suppose it is strange thing to write about as a blessing since we did not end up moving there but since the trauma filled summer has settled around us I do view it as a blessing. Not because we didn't move there as I am sure my husband views as a wonderful blessing but because it put many things into perspective for us and helped us discover what it is we truly seek now. I suppose perspective has just kind of been the lesson for the year and that can always be a blessing!

On the Fifth Day of Yule...

May brought with it a bit more stress as we got notice we would have to move by the end of summer but luckily it was far over shadowed by our baby's 1st birthday! We had a wonderful birthday party with many friends and family to celebrate Ozzye's first year of life. The weather was great, clear skies and a warm breeze which was perfect because once again we were outside in our backyard... tie dying! I feel very blessed that we were able to celebrate his first in the same house he was born in. The funny thing is we had moved into that house just months after Aubriel celebrated her 1st birthday in our very 1st house. May was certainly a beginning and an end both of which brought just as many blessings as heartache!

On the Fourth Day of Yule...

April was spent mostly in our backyard enjoying the first signs of spring. The weather warmed up nicely this year (well until summer was suppose to come) and the snow was pretty much gone which made for being outside after our vacation that much more enjoyable. We were pretty certain our yard would be the most missed and longed for thing once we moved so we were sure to take in as much of it as we could before we left and the quick melting of the winter allowed us to do so!

On the Third Day of Yule...

Ah, we reflect on the month of March today and it might just be our best month of 2009. SPRING BREAK!!! We took an even more needed vacation down south to the beach. It was not the smoothest trip but certainly very fun and we left with SO many wonderful memories! We went to visit one of my cousins and took another with us which was a blast to have the three of us together again. Some days were cold and even over cast but being on the beach was still better than our snow covered earth up here and we absolutely LOVED watching the children frolic freely with sand between their toes... Even typing it makes me long to be back and anxious to plan our next family trip!

On the Second Day of Yule...

It is "officially" the sweet winter solstice today. As I reflect on the month of February of 2009, I of course feel blessed to have celebrated my wonderfully happy-go-lucky (again) son, Gage's 8th birthday. February was a pretty low key month for us but David and I could finally breath a sigh of relief after our bankruptcy was at long last behind us. We rewarded ourselves I suppose with a mid winter few day trip to the Dells with the kids, which was VERY needed. The time we spent together as a family certainly put things into perspective for us and proved to be a very healing time and mini vaca for all of us!

On the 1st day of Yule...

Also known as Mother Night, the Eve before the Winter Solstice I am feeling more festive than usual. It finally feels like it has an authenticity about it. We have ever so slowly been trying for years now to not really move away from our Christian up bringings as Dave and I have so many fond memories from our childhood but to incorporate more of our own traditions and with our love of history get back to the roots of many of our most loved holiday traditions. It is the longest night of the year and come morning will be nothing but a celebration of the rebirth of the sun. I think what makes this year so much more different for me is that when I reflect on this very tumultuous year not only for us but for so many dear friends and family... the loss of jobs, of loved ones, of homes and many more. I am very eager to celebrate a rebirth, renew our hope in the future with brighter days again.


I have to say when I requested to be lifted out of my deep dark depression I was not expected to experience the how of it all. It seems even more often than ever before I would watch loved one's walk something much darker than I would ever conger up. Sometimes it was things I knew their heartache all to well from already being there and other times it was something I could never even imagine but in any case it did make my minuet problems seem just that... which didn't actually make me feel much "better" but did certainly take my focus away from a selfish one. I think many of us can look forward to starting fresh with a new year before us and hopefully can at least celebrate the blessings we did get out of 2009.


For the month of January I am grateful for what I am every year which is the birth of our first born. Kain turned 10 which is a HUGE year for any kid. He has forever left the world of single digits and is now close to being an adult than a child. I was also grateful for reclaiming Gage. I started home schooling him and the transformation is his sparkling personality has been amazing. There is no way someone could convince me that being "educated" is more important than having a peaceful soul. I have seen far too many broken souls this past year to ever wish that feeling upon one of my own children. This new adventure with him has not come without the normal second guessing that I believe every parent does at some point but I will never second guess the life that was rekindled in him!

Visiting Santa...

Tonight we went to visit Santa and Mrs. Clause...Kain wasn't sure he really wanted to go but he did and even chatted it up a bit with Santa.

Snow Day!

Well, we went virtually no snow to a blizzard literally over night! It started snowing yesterday morning and isn't suppose to stop until tomorrow. School was cancelled last night and by morning this is what our front yard looked like...Yes, that would be our suburban in the driveway with my mother's car right behind it that you can barely see!My mom and Aubriel started out this morning shoveling since Dave was actually expected to still open the store this afternoon until just moments ago. Finally a half hour before they were suppose to open the store they got notice they could close considering most of his employees couldn't even get to work and in addition to that I would like to know who would drive out in this to buy a sofa?!They started out bringing in the bunny on our front step which Ozzye wanted to pick up but it was so cold. Brody went and told Kain "we have a snowy bunny and there is snow on it!"So I bundled the little boys up to go out and play. Kain came out after a little while but Gage has been sick so he stayed in... I can't hardly blame him since I myself didn't even want to be out there but taking pictures from the window wasn't working so well.Aubriel for whatever reason LOVES to shovel snow.The kids tried digging out an igloo but the snow needs to pack down some more before we can do that, it kept falling in except for this little one Aubriel could kind of fit in.Brody and Kain having a snowball fight, Brody has been waiting all year for this! So the plans for the rest of the day are to camp out on the couch with some chili watching Christmas specials with the kids! Maybe tomorrow they will venture out to build a snowman and a fort when the wind stops blowing at 50 MPH! The last snow count was 14 inches by us so it should be interesting to see what we end up with.

First Dusting of Snow...

I have always been sentimental about the first snow fall of the season but honestly I don't think I have ever once looked forward to it. This year is a bit different though.... seems like that has just been the theme for this year in general. I haven't written in quite a while and it isn't from lack of thinking about it it really had much more to do without having anything to say. I kind of thought at least for Thanksgiving I would sit down and write about all the things I am thankful for this year but honestly in my current, slightly depressed state I feared it would come out like those cheesy run of the mill blessings that everyone is of course thankful for and really would not get to the bottom of how I was truly feeling about this year coming to a close.

Now I don't want to make it seem either like being thankful for our good health and that we do still have a roof over our heads isn't enough to be thankful for because it certainly is and these are the very things that help to pull me through each and every day half the time. But more than anything I want to be back at a place where I wake up each day and am really excited to be alive... that hasn't happened very often this last year. There were days that I would wonder if it would ever be like that again but perhaps I am just thinking maybe it takes just as much time to come down off of the crazy roller coaster that we have been on as what it did during the ride. The blessing I suppose in all of it is that like a roller coaster it seemed to be over before it got started and has left both Dave and I wondering where the last year actually went. I guess that is both bitter sweet for us right now as we get ready to reflect on the last year.

The year that so much of our lives together from the last 12 years has kind of all culminated. The birth of five beautiful babies in 10 years, the loss of two jobs, the loss of a home, the loss of relationships, the change in lifestyle and home life. But while all of these things can turns one life upside down they are certainly not all bad by any means and it is becoming easier to pick out and celebrate the many wonderful things in each and even appreciate the bad because hopefully they will lead us to something better.

As a Pagan we are suppose to celebrate the birth, death, rebirth process and with that each season as it brings about one of these aspects for us to reflect upon. While I love the idea of it all I have honestly always struggled with the letting go of it all. I love Autumn and so I could easily celebrate the harvest and most of what it brought with it, the fruits of one's labors throughout the year. Once we got to the Winter Solstice I could easily celebrate the days growing longer but there was always a dead time in between there where there did not seem to be much to celebrate. This year is much different though! As I watch the newly fallen snow I am thrilled at the thought this year coming to an end, not because we didn't have some wonderful memories because we certainly did but because of the promise of a new start the death of this year brings with it. I am all for our precious earth being covered in a wintery blanket and me releasing some of this baggage to her.

We set out a few days ago with the kids to chop down our tree. The walk amongst the trees all bundled up in the cold air while we watched the kids run through rows of pine trees looking for the perfect one. I think that alone may have been enough to lift my spirits but then to return home and decorate it I guess really made me realize all the things I wanted to say I was truly thankful for a few weeks ago but wasn't quite there. This season of death and rebirth is exactly what I needed and I can now fully appreciate that I really do still have all that is the most important in this world. My amazing husband and I set out 11+ years ago to create a beautiful life together and I finally feel like all of those mountains we encountered along the way were really just rolling hills. We DO have a beautiful life together, we have five, count them, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! really awesome kids, I think they make me want to pull my hair out daily but they are each so individual and bring something new, unique and special into my life each and every day. And David and I have each other, we have worked REALLY hard on our relationship and it seems to only get stronger with every little hardship we seem to encounter. So as we gear up for this years reflections before the celebration of rebirth I am feel renewed and finally like I can have a grateful heart for the life lessons I can take away from this year, grateful that a fresh start is upon us, grateful that I survived and mostly grateful for my dear friends and family that has stood by my, rather difficult to love, self!