Friday, February 29, 2008
29 weeks on the 29th
This leap year day I am 29 weeks with only 11 weeks left. Of course I have gone almost two weeks late with some of my babies but since my last actually decided to come early, there is no telling when this one will decide to greet us. I am officially in my last trimester and I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going by! I think all of us are ready to meet the newest member of our family so hopefully the last trimester will go by as fast as the first two did. Here are some belly pictures of our baby's growth...
Monday, February 25, 2008
Magical Beginnings
Yesterday I got the most bubbly email from a friend of mine. Her and her husband were talking about the excitement of planning to add another child to their family of ten (including themselves). It was beautiful to read her words as they spoke of this child they plan to add as if it was already a member of their family right down to the same name that had come to each of them separately. It was clear to me after reading it that they are doing much more than "calling in" their child, this little one has already been born within their hearts. It reminded me of my favorite passage from the book "A Holistic Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth; Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives" by Deepak Chopra
"Why does life arise? According to Ayurveda, universal intelligence gives rise to life simply so it can evolve into complex expressions, capable of pondering and appreciating the mysteries of the universe. From this perspective, life is a cosmic masquerade, in which the goal is to uncover who is concealed. at the beginning of life, the disguise is quite transparent to the conscious mother who recognizes the deep spiritual connection that unites her baby's soul with her own. Her most important role from the moment of conception is to nurture her child so he can rediscover his essential spiritual nature. In some traditions, this connection is believed to precede conception. In certain African tribes, people believe that the spiritual birth of a child begins when his potential mother first imagines him. She goes to a silent place and listens for the baby's special song. When she hears it, she returns to her home and teaches it to her mate. While making love, they chant the song as an invitation for this soul to enter into their lives. Once pregnant, she regularly sings the song to her unborn baby and teaches it to the midwives in preparation for her birth. They sing the song while the woman is in labor and as the baby is born into the world. The child learns the theme song, which supports him through all the stages of his life. He uses his song to celebrate his moments of glory and comfort him in times of loss."
I thought of this often as I prayed for this child to bless Dave and I by picking us of all people to be it's parents. I believe that souls do choose their parents before coming in and that whether it be conscience or not that we do call them into our lives long before conception takes place. Sometimes this process takes longer for some than others but I do not believe it is by any fault or wrong doing. I also believe in divine timing and through any struggle there is a great blessing at the end. The hardest part of the struggle is usually remembering that and keeping our faith. This one continues to be the case for me but I know counting our blessings is a sure way to bring about many more. My friend continues to be an inspiration with her many blessings to count!
"Why does life arise? According to Ayurveda, universal intelligence gives rise to life simply so it can evolve into complex expressions, capable of pondering and appreciating the mysteries of the universe. From this perspective, life is a cosmic masquerade, in which the goal is to uncover who is concealed. at the beginning of life, the disguise is quite transparent to the conscious mother who recognizes the deep spiritual connection that unites her baby's soul with her own. Her most important role from the moment of conception is to nurture her child so he can rediscover his essential spiritual nature. In some traditions, this connection is believed to precede conception. In certain African tribes, people believe that the spiritual birth of a child begins when his potential mother first imagines him. She goes to a silent place and listens for the baby's special song. When she hears it, she returns to her home and teaches it to her mate. While making love, they chant the song as an invitation for this soul to enter into their lives. Once pregnant, she regularly sings the song to her unborn baby and teaches it to the midwives in preparation for her birth. They sing the song while the woman is in labor and as the baby is born into the world. The child learns the theme song, which supports him through all the stages of his life. He uses his song to celebrate his moments of glory and comfort him in times of loss."
I thought of this often as I prayed for this child to bless Dave and I by picking us of all people to be it's parents. I believe that souls do choose their parents before coming in and that whether it be conscience or not that we do call them into our lives long before conception takes place. Sometimes this process takes longer for some than others but I do not believe it is by any fault or wrong doing. I also believe in divine timing and through any struggle there is a great blessing at the end. The hardest part of the struggle is usually remembering that and keeping our faith. This one continues to be the case for me but I know counting our blessings is a sure way to bring about many more. My friend continues to be an inspiration with her many blessings to count!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Post Partum Depression
"Most of a woman's depressions, enuis, and wandering confusions are caused by a severely restricted soul-life in which innovation, impulse, and creation are restricted or forbidden. Women receive enormous impulse to act from the creative force. We cannot overlook the fact that there is still much thieving and hamstringing of women's talents through cultural restriction and punishment of her natural wildish instincts." -Estes
Since suffering from PPD after giving birth to my fourth child I am actually asked why quite often. I was actually just ask this again recently after reconnecting with an old family friend which got me pondering it more as I prepare to welcome another child, it is certainly a concern of both Dave and I. To be perfectly honest I do not even have an answer for myself yet, although I continue to search for them still. Sure I started out looking at it from the physical aspect and started with a daily fish oil which I believed helped a ton. I continue to take it since if I miss it I do notice a dip in my mood but not even close to the dark hole I felt like I was in after the birth of Brody.
I think the hardest thing about coming to terms with PPD, is the title of it. By telling people you have/had Post Partum Depression it automatically insinuates that it was "caused" by your child entering your life in some way. I never experienced it with my first 3 children and probably even wanted this baby even more than the others if that is possible. When Dave and I married we "agreed" on having at least 3 children. Not that there was anything more special about the birth of our 4th but I felt incredibly blessed to be able to have another one... I thought of him as my "bonus" baby. So there was certainly nothing about him entering my life to bring on such a dark storm cloud in my life.
I have just finished reading a book titled "Unassisted Homebirth: An Act of Love" by Lynn M. Griesemer and while I loved it from the stand point that it not only talks about unassisted childbirth it talks about many areas of birthing naturally that you simply do not find in traditional pregnancy books even the ones that speak of more midwife based homebirths. When I read the above excerpt from the book, I think it was the first sentence that rang so true with me. Dave and I later went on to seek life coaching for my PPD which ended up being one of the most wonderful things for our marriage. It brought us closer together and gave us a new understanding of one another. The renewed love that was found between us probably pulled me out of my depression more than anything else and I think it helped me reconnect with my soul-life which I believe I had lost. The best part was that I was able to find that part of myself in my husband rather than without him!
This is some of what the author had to say about PPD that I think can sum up where I was at after the birth of my fourth....
"Couples internalize negative ideas about children from a society comprised of self-centered people, especially since some aggressively dissuade large families. Children are seen as planned choices that interfere with rather than enhance life. Most people believe that having children is not only an economic consideration, but a major investment in time and energy, and from this selfish perspective, children are burdens rather than gifts. Because many people are not able to fully embrace the total joy that children bring to their lives, obstetricians are eager to prescribe birth control or perform surgeries to block conception after a couple has three or four children. It is as if pregnancy and childbirth is special for a first-time mother or for someone whose second child is of a different sex."
I think it wasn't until we became pregnant with our fourth that this surfaced for us. I did not realize that there seems to be a fine line with some people between 3 and 4 children and since we had finally gotten the opposite sex after our 3rd child I believe it puzzled people as to why we would want another one.
"Couples with several children are likely to hear negative insensitive comments such as, 'Wow, your hands are full!... How do you do it?...Better you than me....Are you going to have any more kids?....Haven't you figured out how to prevent that from happening?....There are things you can do to stop having kids, you know...' It is not as common, but refreshing to hear remarks like, 'Wow, what a nice family... your children are so beautiful and well behaved.' Parents with several adult children seldom regretted having raised large families, because there is such a sense of accomplishment after having struggled.
Families are smaller today and children are segregated from the adult world. There is emphasis on engaging in activities within the same age group. Parents want to provide their children with as many experiences as possible. Many parents know that they will only be able to do a good job with no more than two children. It is hard to balance work, family and personal aspirations with several children.
Part of a happy, healthy adulthood involves the ability not to take life so seriously, to laugh a lot and to enjoy the kind of spontaneity that children do. Adults who participate in child's play have an easier time of expressing their inner child, especially those who have a large family and are involved with their children's lives and cannot escape spontaneous play with their children. Adults who are childless or lack a sense of spontaneity are missing a part of life which contributes to creativity and well-being. Having a large family or embracing children keeps adults young. Unfortunately, there is a segment of our population that is unable to derive any pleasure or fun because they are much too serious and psychologically incomplete.
Life can be very pressuring for parents raising children. Not only does everyone want the best education for their children, but they want then to grow up healthy in a safe, peaceful world. We have certain expectations and worries about the future, causing us to set limits or visualize a certain family size."
Dave and I certainly don't feel for one minute that we do not deal with these struggles but we watch parents with less children try to manage the same issues so it does not instill any confidence that we would be spared of this with a smaller family. If anything it seem to reinforce what we love about our large family. As we meet life's challenges, as everyone does, we take comfort in the beautiful family we have created with one another, although there was a point where this thought process was a struggle for us.
"Society imposes many restrictions upon us, making it difficult to experience life on our own terms if we are bombarded by employers, friends, significant others, family and strangers telling us what we should do and how we must live. 'Society' is a collection of individuals with different values, interests and talents. A handful of individuals, not 'society,' is partially restraining us from doing what we would like to do and being who we would like to be. It is more manageable to fend off distracting influences in our lives when we can pinpoint the source. We decide what we want to think or how we want to react towards others. We are ultimately restraining ourselves from attaining our dreams.
Being fully alive and involved with life means being open to new experiences and sometimes committed to unpopular beliefs, striving for new directions and new awakenings, breaking old patterns, creating a vivid sense of self. At the same time, we search for order and harmony in the universe. Self-inquiry may shake up the foundation and threaten the harmony we are searching for. Self-inquiry is a painful process, and what was formerly accepted is suddenly questioned. Even though man seeks consistency, he still strives for perfection, knowledge, truth and awareness. But uncertainty, insecurity, restlessness and new awakenings are the ultimate realities of human existence.
The denial of our deepest self is a denial of life. We are not living life to its fullest when we do not strive for expression of our inner needs. We should not have to sacrifice what our inner voice is telling us. We can make many choices in life about the way we want to be. ultimately, no one or nothing can destroy our inner peace, for the greater the inner peace, the more peaceful our outer world. If we live with love and high standards in our hearts and minds, no one can get us to change our integrity - to lie, cheat, steal, or degrade another person. when we have attained a comfortable level of inner peace, we may feel separate from others, but it will not bother us.
Birth pioneers are those who make lonely, unpopular choices as they seek beauty, grace and fulfillment in the lifegiving process. They strive for improvements for themselves and future generations. Unassisted homebirth lends itself perfectly to self-actualization and is the springboard for a deeper, richer life."
I have always considered myself a fairly confident person even when I have gone "against the grain" I have been able to stay strong in my beliefs and what my needs were. But for some reason after the birth of Brody I struggled deeply with what my heart desired and what my head would allow me to believe was possible for my life. It wasn't until Dave and I were able to work on better communicating our needs to one another that I was able to see how I was denying my deepest self and therefore withdrawing from life.
This makes sense to me that this very thing would be the case for most suffering from PPD, not the family size for all as it seemed to be for me. But so much change takes place within one's life with the birth of a child and there are so many expectations that we ourselves or others put on us for motherhood why wouldn't some mothers struggle with finding a balance between following our inner peace and meeting the expectations which may conflict with what our needs are. I think more mothers would benefit from setting their own standards and hopefully finding other mothers that can accept this of them. To celebrate that we are all on different paths working toward the same goal.
As soon as I was able to remind myself that I am the one in charge of my life and take back my inner peace was my depression lifted. I continue to struggle at times as I walk a new and different path yet again with this pregnancy but I am much more able to recognize that if I continue to focus on my desires and dreams others can not take that from me. I am being fully alive and self-actualization!
"The self-actualizing individual, by definition gratified in his basic needs, is far less dependent, far less beholden, far more autonomous and self-directed. Far from needing other people, growth-motivated people may actually be hampered primarily inner ones, rather than social or environmental. They are the laws of their own inner nature, their potentialities and capacities, their talents, their latent resources, their creative impulses, their needs to know themselves and to become more and more integrated and unified, more and more aware of what they really are, of what they really want, of what their call or vocation or fate is to be." - Maslow
Since suffering from PPD after giving birth to my fourth child I am actually asked why quite often. I was actually just ask this again recently after reconnecting with an old family friend which got me pondering it more as I prepare to welcome another child, it is certainly a concern of both Dave and I. To be perfectly honest I do not even have an answer for myself yet, although I continue to search for them still. Sure I started out looking at it from the physical aspect and started with a daily fish oil which I believed helped a ton. I continue to take it since if I miss it I do notice a dip in my mood but not even close to the dark hole I felt like I was in after the birth of Brody.
I think the hardest thing about coming to terms with PPD, is the title of it. By telling people you have/had Post Partum Depression it automatically insinuates that it was "caused" by your child entering your life in some way. I never experienced it with my first 3 children and probably even wanted this baby even more than the others if that is possible. When Dave and I married we "agreed" on having at least 3 children. Not that there was anything more special about the birth of our 4th but I felt incredibly blessed to be able to have another one... I thought of him as my "bonus" baby. So there was certainly nothing about him entering my life to bring on such a dark storm cloud in my life.
I have just finished reading a book titled "Unassisted Homebirth: An Act of Love" by Lynn M. Griesemer and while I loved it from the stand point that it not only talks about unassisted childbirth it talks about many areas of birthing naturally that you simply do not find in traditional pregnancy books even the ones that speak of more midwife based homebirths. When I read the above excerpt from the book, I think it was the first sentence that rang so true with me. Dave and I later went on to seek life coaching for my PPD which ended up being one of the most wonderful things for our marriage. It brought us closer together and gave us a new understanding of one another. The renewed love that was found between us probably pulled me out of my depression more than anything else and I think it helped me reconnect with my soul-life which I believe I had lost. The best part was that I was able to find that part of myself in my husband rather than without him!
This is some of what the author had to say about PPD that I think can sum up where I was at after the birth of my fourth....
"Couples internalize negative ideas about children from a society comprised of self-centered people, especially since some aggressively dissuade large families. Children are seen as planned choices that interfere with rather than enhance life. Most people believe that having children is not only an economic consideration, but a major investment in time and energy, and from this selfish perspective, children are burdens rather than gifts. Because many people are not able to fully embrace the total joy that children bring to their lives, obstetricians are eager to prescribe birth control or perform surgeries to block conception after a couple has three or four children. It is as if pregnancy and childbirth is special for a first-time mother or for someone whose second child is of a different sex."
I think it wasn't until we became pregnant with our fourth that this surfaced for us. I did not realize that there seems to be a fine line with some people between 3 and 4 children and since we had finally gotten the opposite sex after our 3rd child I believe it puzzled people as to why we would want another one.
"Couples with several children are likely to hear negative insensitive comments such as, 'Wow, your hands are full!... How do you do it?...Better you than me....Are you going to have any more kids?....Haven't you figured out how to prevent that from happening?....There are things you can do to stop having kids, you know...' It is not as common, but refreshing to hear remarks like, 'Wow, what a nice family... your children are so beautiful and well behaved.' Parents with several adult children seldom regretted having raised large families, because there is such a sense of accomplishment after having struggled.
Families are smaller today and children are segregated from the adult world. There is emphasis on engaging in activities within the same age group. Parents want to provide their children with as many experiences as possible. Many parents know that they will only be able to do a good job with no more than two children. It is hard to balance work, family and personal aspirations with several children.
Part of a happy, healthy adulthood involves the ability not to take life so seriously, to laugh a lot and to enjoy the kind of spontaneity that children do. Adults who participate in child's play have an easier time of expressing their inner child, especially those who have a large family and are involved with their children's lives and cannot escape spontaneous play with their children. Adults who are childless or lack a sense of spontaneity are missing a part of life which contributes to creativity and well-being. Having a large family or embracing children keeps adults young. Unfortunately, there is a segment of our population that is unable to derive any pleasure or fun because they are much too serious and psychologically incomplete.
Life can be very pressuring for parents raising children. Not only does everyone want the best education for their children, but they want then to grow up healthy in a safe, peaceful world. We have certain expectations and worries about the future, causing us to set limits or visualize a certain family size."
Dave and I certainly don't feel for one minute that we do not deal with these struggles but we watch parents with less children try to manage the same issues so it does not instill any confidence that we would be spared of this with a smaller family. If anything it seem to reinforce what we love about our large family. As we meet life's challenges, as everyone does, we take comfort in the beautiful family we have created with one another, although there was a point where this thought process was a struggle for us.
"Society imposes many restrictions upon us, making it difficult to experience life on our own terms if we are bombarded by employers, friends, significant others, family and strangers telling us what we should do and how we must live. 'Society' is a collection of individuals with different values, interests and talents. A handful of individuals, not 'society,' is partially restraining us from doing what we would like to do and being who we would like to be. It is more manageable to fend off distracting influences in our lives when we can pinpoint the source. We decide what we want to think or how we want to react towards others. We are ultimately restraining ourselves from attaining our dreams.
Being fully alive and involved with life means being open to new experiences and sometimes committed to unpopular beliefs, striving for new directions and new awakenings, breaking old patterns, creating a vivid sense of self. At the same time, we search for order and harmony in the universe. Self-inquiry may shake up the foundation and threaten the harmony we are searching for. Self-inquiry is a painful process, and what was formerly accepted is suddenly questioned. Even though man seeks consistency, he still strives for perfection, knowledge, truth and awareness. But uncertainty, insecurity, restlessness and new awakenings are the ultimate realities of human existence.
The denial of our deepest self is a denial of life. We are not living life to its fullest when we do not strive for expression of our inner needs. We should not have to sacrifice what our inner voice is telling us. We can make many choices in life about the way we want to be. ultimately, no one or nothing can destroy our inner peace, for the greater the inner peace, the more peaceful our outer world. If we live with love and high standards in our hearts and minds, no one can get us to change our integrity - to lie, cheat, steal, or degrade another person. when we have attained a comfortable level of inner peace, we may feel separate from others, but it will not bother us.
Birth pioneers are those who make lonely, unpopular choices as they seek beauty, grace and fulfillment in the lifegiving process. They strive for improvements for themselves and future generations. Unassisted homebirth lends itself perfectly to self-actualization and is the springboard for a deeper, richer life."
I have always considered myself a fairly confident person even when I have gone "against the grain" I have been able to stay strong in my beliefs and what my needs were. But for some reason after the birth of Brody I struggled deeply with what my heart desired and what my head would allow me to believe was possible for my life. It wasn't until Dave and I were able to work on better communicating our needs to one another that I was able to see how I was denying my deepest self and therefore withdrawing from life.
This makes sense to me that this very thing would be the case for most suffering from PPD, not the family size for all as it seemed to be for me. But so much change takes place within one's life with the birth of a child and there are so many expectations that we ourselves or others put on us for motherhood why wouldn't some mothers struggle with finding a balance between following our inner peace and meeting the expectations which may conflict with what our needs are. I think more mothers would benefit from setting their own standards and hopefully finding other mothers that can accept this of them. To celebrate that we are all on different paths working toward the same goal.
As soon as I was able to remind myself that I am the one in charge of my life and take back my inner peace was my depression lifted. I continue to struggle at times as I walk a new and different path yet again with this pregnancy but I am much more able to recognize that if I continue to focus on my desires and dreams others can not take that from me. I am being fully alive and self-actualization!
"The self-actualizing individual, by definition gratified in his basic needs, is far less dependent, far less beholden, far more autonomous and self-directed. Far from needing other people, growth-motivated people may actually be hampered primarily inner ones, rather than social or environmental. They are the laws of their own inner nature, their potentialities and capacities, their talents, their latent resources, their creative impulses, their needs to know themselves and to become more and more integrated and unified, more and more aware of what they really are, of what they really want, of what their call or vocation or fate is to be." - Maslow
Friday, February 22, 2008
Basketball and Germ Passing...
So Kain and Gage had their last basketball game tonight and I usually don't make it to watch them and was at least hoping to see their last game BUT Aubriel came to bed last night with a fever. So she has been sick all day, so we stayed home after getting back from our adjustments. I don't think the boys minded too much though since Grandpa stopped by to take them which they LOVE of course!
So now Dave's new step in his journey to improve his health is to cuddle up with his sweet sick girl as often as possible until he gets the same thing so his body can fight it off naturally. That is what he was told today by our Chiropractor. Not that he really has to "try" to get sick, usually if something is floating around our house he will pick it up anyway. Of course he is suppose to be starting his new job next week so the timing could be better but does anyone ever think there is a good time to get sick?
He is making improvements though since he said know that he has a better understanding of the body it doesn't make him as nervous when the kids have a fever. I suppose taking me word for it just wasn't convincing enough... oh well. I have been a bit under the weather myself which hasn't been too bad except that I am so tired anyway so all I want to do is sleep.
So now Dave's new step in his journey to improve his health is to cuddle up with his sweet sick girl as often as possible until he gets the same thing so his body can fight it off naturally. That is what he was told today by our Chiropractor. Not that he really has to "try" to get sick, usually if something is floating around our house he will pick it up anyway. Of course he is suppose to be starting his new job next week so the timing could be better but does anyone ever think there is a good time to get sick?
He is making improvements though since he said know that he has a better understanding of the body it doesn't make him as nervous when the kids have a fever. I suppose taking me word for it just wasn't convincing enough... oh well. I have been a bit under the weather myself which hasn't been too bad except that I am so tired anyway so all I want to do is sleep.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
The Moon
Here is the moon from our breakfast nook window... Not the best picture but I was actually surprised we could get anything at all!
Total Lunar Eclipse...
... will take place tonight at 10:26 pm EST and we will be stuck inside because it is FREEZING here! We have gotten SO much snow, we didn't even realize just how much until we looked in the backyard and noticed the snow is half way up the swing set. Monday the kids had a snow day and our nice neighbor even came over and snow blowed our driveway for us since Dave kind of gave up on shoveling half way through winter. We are more than ready for the warm weather to return any time now, since that pattern seems to be that if it is not snowing it is below 0!
This is the snowbank in our front yard....
I kept trying to get Brody to look up but he just kept taking steps closer to me instead....
I think it was so cold out it froze his brain but when I got up closer to him....
This smile was also frozen on his face while he could hardly move!
So as excited as I am about the Eclipse tonight I will NOT be outside in the -14 degree weather we are suppose to be getting over night. I suppose I will have to settle for trying to see it through our windows. But in any case I am sure the moon has already started calling in it's magic since Dave just called me and told me he was finally offered the Assistant Manager job he has been waiting to hear about! He figures he will start next week in Appleton until they can move him back up here or the middle of April hits (whichever comes first) since they promised he wouldn't have to work down there while I am due. I hope everyone else enjoys the moon's energy tonight and is blessed by it!
This is the snowbank in our front yard....I kept trying to get Brody to look up but he just kept taking steps closer to me instead....I think it was so cold out it froze his brain but when I got up closer to him....This smile was also frozen on his face while he could hardly move!So as excited as I am about the Eclipse tonight I will NOT be outside in the -14 degree weather we are suppose to be getting over night. I suppose I will have to settle for trying to see it through our windows. But in any case I am sure the moon has already started calling in it's magic since Dave just called me and told me he was finally offered the Assistant Manager job he has been waiting to hear about! He figures he will start next week in Appleton until they can move him back up here or the middle of April hits (whichever comes first) since they promised he wouldn't have to work down there while I am due. I hope everyone else enjoys the moon's energy tonight and is blessed by it!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
The New 7 Year Old in the House!
That would be our Gage! His birthday was today. We started it out by having breakfast at McDonald's (our tradition) just Gage, Kain and myself before we headed off to school. I helped Gage deliver his 30 cup cakes to his class and kissed him good-bye for the day. After school we had his choice for dinner, tacos, and then of course cake and presents. He picked out a racing cake this year which my mom picked up for him.
Aubriel and Brody waiting for cake!
Dad trying to get some snuggle time in before bed... Some of Gage's quick mood change taking place because he didn't want to go to bed.
Our little (or not so little any more) Gage would be our intense child. There is nothing in between with Gage, he runs hot and cold, black and white, he is either happy or down right mad and everyone knows it. But even through all this he can be our most charming, cuddly, witty, warm-hearted child yet. He is quiet and shy at school, most often seen with his infamous grin, from what I hear. Which surprises us at times compared to the little man that runs around our house. When he isn't making us pull our hair out he is making us laugh. I love the things that come out of this kid's mouth. So much so I thought I would make a favorite top 5 of last year's Gage Quotes...5) "I will probably have kids but I am NOT getting married"
(Just what every parent likes to hear)
4) "The only thing I hate about our cousin's house is their water is too warm"
(I guess we might have to show him where the ice is kept)
3) "If I get to pick what I am in my next life I will be a bird"
(It is wonderful when your children start thinking about the future)
2) (This one gets two because I just can't decide which grandma conversation is better) "Grandma, why did you marry someone SO much older than you?"
(My parents are only 1 year apart, Grandma's response was even better "well he wasn't that old when I married him")
"Grandma, you look a lot older than my other Grandma"(actually that grandma would be younger than his other one, you got to love the honesty of a child)
1) "Want to know what the worst thing about dying is? I might come back as a girl"
(Well, that is good to know that is the worst thing about dying)
He certainly gives new meaning to taking the bitter with the sweet but luckily for him his sweetness is beyond any other, we wouldn't want him any other way and couldn't imagine our life Gageless!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Spilling Words onto Paper
Or I suppose in my case onto the keyboard. I loved the service today at the fellowship! It was titled "Poetry: A Spiritual Path of Healing and Wholeness." It was given by a high school teacher at a private arts school in Appleton. She said her favorite thing to tell her students to do is to spill words onto paper and let them go. Although she spoke mostly of poetry, it was more about just writing, writing anything. She talked about how we all have stories to tell and writing these stories is important for remembering them. That writing our own stories helps us relate to one another's stories and helps us share our stories.
She read something that said "Stories can feed us more than food." Then she went on to share her own experience with this. About 1 year after her adult son died in a boating accident she met a lady that approached her and told her she knew her son. So of course she asked how and as it turns out both of their sons had been friends in college and she had gotten to know him by her son bringing him home for dinner from time to time. The lady once gave her son a ride home and asked if he was related to Ellen and he of course said that was his mother. The rest of the ride home he talked about his mother in great detail. Ellen said today that in that moment she understood what that saying meant. She said as the lady shared that story of her son it fed her soul. I know it has happened more times in my life but in the last few years I have noticed those around me feeding my own soul with their stories they have shared with me. And in many cases it has fed me much more than food has.
Her next story inspired a poem that she wrote. She was at a conference sitting at a table with many other people she didn't know. As they chatted there was one guy that kept looking around the room nervously. After a while he stood up with his arms strecthed wide as a lady approached him. When she reached him them embraced, both started crying and she laid her head on his chest. Ellen later found out that the man recieved her husband's heart in a transplant. Ellen read her beautiful poem about hearts inspired by this meeting. The last line of it read "what would your heart whisper?"
I suppose that is where we find our words, stories, whatever to write in the first place. I think it is an interesting thing to ponder what our hearts would say if they could speak, what stories they hold within them and what love continues to live on through them.
Her last story was of her sister struggling with cancer. While going through her chemo she could not keep any food down so Ellen decided everytime she would eat she would eat with the intention of eating for the both of them. It of course brought her to write a piece entitled "eating for my sister." The work was mixed with beautiful analogies, some fun loving moments from their childhood and an intention to breath energy into her action. The day after she wrote it she decided to read it to her class, which they then offered up feedback as that is the way her class is run. At one point during her poem she spoke of her and her sister laying in the grass watching an ant carry a cracker and marveling at the size of the ant compared to the item being carried. One of her 15 year old student commented on how the first time he heard it he thought it was awful to be speaking of ants in a poem about her sister's cancer but that the second time through (I guess they always read everything twice) he pondered that perhaps we are all small like the ant with great loads to carry at times.
This of course then propelled her into the topic of how everyone can be our teachers if we look for it, allow it, need it, want it. I can certainly relate to this as I live with four very tough teachers, that challenge me, remind me, push me beyond my limits and love me daily. She also spoke of how writing has been proven to have health benefits along with helping people over come depression and anxiety. Dave and I did a lot of writing in life coaching to help sort out our feelings and emotions so we could fully understand where we were at with them.
Upon ending her talk today she encouraged all of us to journal and answer 3 questions she likes to ask herself daily...
What surprised me today?
For me it would be the -7 degree weather this morning (although I would also say it is probably better that I didn't know or I may not have gone today either).
What inspired me today?
Certainly her sharing her stories and others, thus I wrote about it.
What moved and/or touched me today?
Having had a dear friend's mother that donated her heart, I lost it in the middle of the fellowship today when she spoke of that story. I wonder so often what other parts of people besides their shear physical organs live on when they give such a gift to another.
She read something that said "Stories can feed us more than food." Then she went on to share her own experience with this. About 1 year after her adult son died in a boating accident she met a lady that approached her and told her she knew her son. So of course she asked how and as it turns out both of their sons had been friends in college and she had gotten to know him by her son bringing him home for dinner from time to time. The lady once gave her son a ride home and asked if he was related to Ellen and he of course said that was his mother. The rest of the ride home he talked about his mother in great detail. Ellen said today that in that moment she understood what that saying meant. She said as the lady shared that story of her son it fed her soul. I know it has happened more times in my life but in the last few years I have noticed those around me feeding my own soul with their stories they have shared with me. And in many cases it has fed me much more than food has.
Her next story inspired a poem that she wrote. She was at a conference sitting at a table with many other people she didn't know. As they chatted there was one guy that kept looking around the room nervously. After a while he stood up with his arms strecthed wide as a lady approached him. When she reached him them embraced, both started crying and she laid her head on his chest. Ellen later found out that the man recieved her husband's heart in a transplant. Ellen read her beautiful poem about hearts inspired by this meeting. The last line of it read "what would your heart whisper?"
I suppose that is where we find our words, stories, whatever to write in the first place. I think it is an interesting thing to ponder what our hearts would say if they could speak, what stories they hold within them and what love continues to live on through them.
Her last story was of her sister struggling with cancer. While going through her chemo she could not keep any food down so Ellen decided everytime she would eat she would eat with the intention of eating for the both of them. It of course brought her to write a piece entitled "eating for my sister." The work was mixed with beautiful analogies, some fun loving moments from their childhood and an intention to breath energy into her action. The day after she wrote it she decided to read it to her class, which they then offered up feedback as that is the way her class is run. At one point during her poem she spoke of her and her sister laying in the grass watching an ant carry a cracker and marveling at the size of the ant compared to the item being carried. One of her 15 year old student commented on how the first time he heard it he thought it was awful to be speaking of ants in a poem about her sister's cancer but that the second time through (I guess they always read everything twice) he pondered that perhaps we are all small like the ant with great loads to carry at times.
This of course then propelled her into the topic of how everyone can be our teachers if we look for it, allow it, need it, want it. I can certainly relate to this as I live with four very tough teachers, that challenge me, remind me, push me beyond my limits and love me daily. She also spoke of how writing has been proven to have health benefits along with helping people over come depression and anxiety. Dave and I did a lot of writing in life coaching to help sort out our feelings and emotions so we could fully understand where we were at with them.
Upon ending her talk today she encouraged all of us to journal and answer 3 questions she likes to ask herself daily...
What surprised me today?
For me it would be the -7 degree weather this morning (although I would also say it is probably better that I didn't know or I may not have gone today either).
What inspired me today?
Certainly her sharing her stories and others, thus I wrote about it.
What moved and/or touched me today?
Having had a dear friend's mother that donated her heart, I lost it in the middle of the fellowship today when she spoke of that story. I wonder so often what other parts of people besides their shear physical organs live on when they give such a gift to another.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Dave's Detox Journey
Okay I probably shouldn't just say Dave, I am right beside him on this journey but he has come and will have farther to go than me. Not to say I haven't made huge improvements be any means though!
I suppose if we want to get technical we are somewhere in the middle of our journey and it really started about 1 1/2 years ago when Dave and I found a "life coach." Sure that is a fancy term for therapist... or not so fancy? Less intimidating. maybe? Oh, it really doesn't matter she is wonderful and helped bring Dave and I closer together than ever before!
It started after I sought out help with my postpartum depression following Brody's birth. After talking to me a while she discovered it would be most helpful for David to meet with us and of course when I asked him he wanted to be right there by my side through the whole thing holding my hand. I think what he didn't expect is that therapy for my problems soon became therapy for the both of us. It was hard for both of us to look at our wounds we had brought into our marriage with us but it was the best thing we could have ever done for our relationship. After about 6 months we were finally able to see one another as the hurt child we were acting out of, we learn how to communicate with one another more effectively in a way to express ourselves and get our needs met without continuing to hurt the other. It put us on each other's page, so to speak and we were than able to grow together rather than independantly like we had been. Which of course continues to be a daily process for us but feel much more confident on how to detoxify our emotions as things come up.
Which brings me to our more physical detox we are now in... About six months back I met someone I swear I had been praying for FOREVER, it seems, for my family. His first love and practice is chiropractic care, which our family had been recieving already (mostly the kids though with the cost) but he is also a naturalpath Dr. among many other things I couldn't even begin to go into. Anyway he has such a strong conviction for helping people that he does something I had never heard of before... family plans! Great for a family our size, basically he charges one flat monthly fee and adjusts us as many times as we want/need along with any other health issues that may come up. So for the last 3 months we have all been getting adjusted 3 times a week which has already showed GREAT improvement with all of our health so now we get to start on the detox.
First off Dave and I need to detox our livers... sounds simply enough, right? Well, Dave likes to argue that it is for me since I am pregnant right now I can only do a mild detox which consists of swallowing 1 tablespoon of apple-cider vinegar once a day which I can put in some juice or something if I like. Well, since Dave obviously isn't pregnant and much more unhealthy than I, he gets to take it up a step. He takes half a mouthful of apple-cider vinegar and has to swish it around like mouth wash until it starts to burn and then he can swallow. He can NOT dilute this with anything else, it must be taken straight. There have been VERY few times I have seen my husband cry. Although I would consider him to be a sensitive person he is by no means emotional. But three days ago when he had to take his first "shot" he looked like the 6 year old girl on the school playground that had just been picked on. He looked like he was on the verg of bursting into tears at just the thought of taking it. He has now done it a totaly of twice and last night was telling me he does not think he can continue. I guess it made his throat sore and scratchy all day and he "claims" he could hardly even drink water. Luckily our Dr. made a VERY stronge argument to him on why his immune system is so unhealthy and how he is planning on changing that so hopefully Dave can continue.
This site does a MUCH better job of explaining it than I would but you could also do a search as well. He basically explained to Dave that his body is working out of a TH2 response rather than a TH1 response and that his TH1 response has been weaked by not being breastfed and having taken so many drugs and anti-biotics for his whole life. So the plan is to detox his system for a month and then start him on pro-biotics to help build his TH1 response. I guess I just need my liver cleansed right now and for the sake of my adrenals I need to increase my vitamin C and decrease my stress... sounds easy enough I guess. Except for the fact we have been under a bit of stress as of late but oh well.
The kids don't need any detox, between their adjustments and us not vaccinating any longer (well really just Brody hasn't been at all) they are young enough their immune systems will naturally (if they haven't already) change over to a healthy response. Gage, our constantly sick kid, has made huge improvements healthwise in just the 4 months we have been going, which has been a BIG eye opener for David as he has watched Gage struggle with what he went through as a child and now has started to see it be corrected. Not just managed like his health was as a child but actually fixed.
So we are on the road to better health, our marriage is at an amazing place right now, our kids make us crazy (but I think that may be normal) although we feel so blessed to have them all in our lives and feel so lucky to have another joining our family in about 3 months! I guess I will take that for now and continue on the journey of improving our lives one day at a time.
I suppose if we want to get technical we are somewhere in the middle of our journey and it really started about 1 1/2 years ago when Dave and I found a "life coach." Sure that is a fancy term for therapist... or not so fancy? Less intimidating. maybe? Oh, it really doesn't matter she is wonderful and helped bring Dave and I closer together than ever before!
It started after I sought out help with my postpartum depression following Brody's birth. After talking to me a while she discovered it would be most helpful for David to meet with us and of course when I asked him he wanted to be right there by my side through the whole thing holding my hand. I think what he didn't expect is that therapy for my problems soon became therapy for the both of us. It was hard for both of us to look at our wounds we had brought into our marriage with us but it was the best thing we could have ever done for our relationship. After about 6 months we were finally able to see one another as the hurt child we were acting out of, we learn how to communicate with one another more effectively in a way to express ourselves and get our needs met without continuing to hurt the other. It put us on each other's page, so to speak and we were than able to grow together rather than independantly like we had been. Which of course continues to be a daily process for us but feel much more confident on how to detoxify our emotions as things come up.
Which brings me to our more physical detox we are now in... About six months back I met someone I swear I had been praying for FOREVER, it seems, for my family. His first love and practice is chiropractic care, which our family had been recieving already (mostly the kids though with the cost) but he is also a naturalpath Dr. among many other things I couldn't even begin to go into. Anyway he has such a strong conviction for helping people that he does something I had never heard of before... family plans! Great for a family our size, basically he charges one flat monthly fee and adjusts us as many times as we want/need along with any other health issues that may come up. So for the last 3 months we have all been getting adjusted 3 times a week which has already showed GREAT improvement with all of our health so now we get to start on the detox.
First off Dave and I need to detox our livers... sounds simply enough, right? Well, Dave likes to argue that it is for me since I am pregnant right now I can only do a mild detox which consists of swallowing 1 tablespoon of apple-cider vinegar once a day which I can put in some juice or something if I like. Well, since Dave obviously isn't pregnant and much more unhealthy than I, he gets to take it up a step. He takes half a mouthful of apple-cider vinegar and has to swish it around like mouth wash until it starts to burn and then he can swallow. He can NOT dilute this with anything else, it must be taken straight. There have been VERY few times I have seen my husband cry. Although I would consider him to be a sensitive person he is by no means emotional. But three days ago when he had to take his first "shot" he looked like the 6 year old girl on the school playground that had just been picked on. He looked like he was on the verg of bursting into tears at just the thought of taking it. He has now done it a totaly of twice and last night was telling me he does not think he can continue. I guess it made his throat sore and scratchy all day and he "claims" he could hardly even drink water. Luckily our Dr. made a VERY stronge argument to him on why his immune system is so unhealthy and how he is planning on changing that so hopefully Dave can continue.
This site does a MUCH better job of explaining it than I would but you could also do a search as well. He basically explained to Dave that his body is working out of a TH2 response rather than a TH1 response and that his TH1 response has been weaked by not being breastfed and having taken so many drugs and anti-biotics for his whole life. So the plan is to detox his system for a month and then start him on pro-biotics to help build his TH1 response. I guess I just need my liver cleansed right now and for the sake of my adrenals I need to increase my vitamin C and decrease my stress... sounds easy enough I guess. Except for the fact we have been under a bit of stress as of late but oh well.
The kids don't need any detox, between their adjustments and us not vaccinating any longer (well really just Brody hasn't been at all) they are young enough their immune systems will naturally (if they haven't already) change over to a healthy response. Gage, our constantly sick kid, has made huge improvements healthwise in just the 4 months we have been going, which has been a BIG eye opener for David as he has watched Gage struggle with what he went through as a child and now has started to see it be corrected. Not just managed like his health was as a child but actually fixed.
So we are on the road to better health, our marriage is at an amazing place right now, our kids make us crazy (but I think that may be normal) although we feel so blessed to have them all in our lives and feel so lucky to have another joining our family in about 3 months! I guess I will take that for now and continue on the journey of improving our lives one day at a time.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
The Great Teacher
"Meditation is called the Great Teacher. It is the cleansing crucible fire that works slowly through understanding. The greater your understanding, the more flexible and tolerant you can be. The greater your understanding, the more compassionate you can be. You become like a perfect parent or an ideal teacher. You are ready to forgive and forget. You feel love towards others because you understand them. And you understand others because you have understood yourself. You have looked deeply inside and seen self illusion and your own human failings. You have seen your own humanity and learned to forgive and to love. When you have learned compassion for yourself, compassion for others is automatic. An accomplished meditator has achieved a profound understanding of life, and he inevitably relates to the world with a deep and uncritical love."
I came across this book tonight and started reading it. It is a great basic, clear understanding of meditation. Since doing yoga and practicing meditation on and off for over 10 years now I still continue to work on ways to increase my understanding and awearness of it... and of myself I suppose. I think the above topic by far has been the biggest struggle for me and it was only in recent years that my understanding of not having compassion for myself was the root of my struggle. I am happy to say that although this is still very much an internal struggle for me I have also made some very positive growth in this area and actually discovered forgiveness is within my power (not quite as often as I may like but it is a start at least!).
"Throw a stone into a stream. The running water would smooth the surface, but the inner part remains unchanged. Take that same stone and place it in the intense fires of a forge, and the whole stone changes inside and outside. It all melts. Civilization changes man on the outside. Meditation softens him within, through and through."
I came across this book tonight and started reading it. It is a great basic, clear understanding of meditation. Since doing yoga and practicing meditation on and off for over 10 years now I still continue to work on ways to increase my understanding and awearness of it... and of myself I suppose. I think the above topic by far has been the biggest struggle for me and it was only in recent years that my understanding of not having compassion for myself was the root of my struggle. I am happy to say that although this is still very much an internal struggle for me I have also made some very positive growth in this area and actually discovered forgiveness is within my power (not quite as often as I may like but it is a start at least!).
"Throw a stone into a stream. The running water would smooth the surface, but the inner part remains unchanged. Take that same stone and place it in the intense fires of a forge, and the whole stone changes inside and outside. It all melts. Civilization changes man on the outside. Meditation softens him within, through and through."
Friday, February 1, 2008
Imbolc
"The celebration of Imbolg signals the middle of the season of long nights and anticipates the upcoming season of light. There is the first evidence of the return of life. The Sun is slowly starting to make its return and the very hardiest of plants will begin to grow again from this day forth."
I enjoy celebrating the changing of the seasons since it can so closely relate to the changes that continually take place within our own lives. David and I have struggled with change in our lives recently, both physically and emotionally and unfortunately some of which has been as dark as the days of winter we are in. But we have been given glimpses of life returning to us as well on this day. We have all heard the sayings that go something like... Out of our darkest hour comes our greatest enlightenment. Of course this is easier to remember when you are not in the middle of ones' "darkest hour."
We have had people enter our lives that have given us our faith back in this very belief. It has amazed us, humbled us and renewed us. To be blessed with people that truly walk the path of their faiths and beliefs, that have acted simply out of the shear kindness of their hearts and never once judged us has made us wonder what we have done to bring these beautiful people into our lives. They have reached out to us with their encouraging words, touched us with their generous actions and bestowed truly selfless gifts upon us.
It is a wonderful feeling to know that these people have been brought into our lives when we needed them the most to nurture our spirits, comfort our souls and remind us to hold on to what is truly important in our lives. I hope all of you know who you are (you should I think you are the ones that read my blog most often) and how very deeply you have impacted our lives... we have been forever changed for the better simply because you are with us!
I enjoy celebrating the changing of the seasons since it can so closely relate to the changes that continually take place within our own lives. David and I have struggled with change in our lives recently, both physically and emotionally and unfortunately some of which has been as dark as the days of winter we are in. But we have been given glimpses of life returning to us as well on this day. We have all heard the sayings that go something like... Out of our darkest hour comes our greatest enlightenment. Of course this is easier to remember when you are not in the middle of ones' "darkest hour."
We have had people enter our lives that have given us our faith back in this very belief. It has amazed us, humbled us and renewed us. To be blessed with people that truly walk the path of their faiths and beliefs, that have acted simply out of the shear kindness of their hearts and never once judged us has made us wonder what we have done to bring these beautiful people into our lives. They have reached out to us with their encouraging words, touched us with their generous actions and bestowed truly selfless gifts upon us.
It is a wonderful feeling to know that these people have been brought into our lives when we needed them the most to nurture our spirits, comfort our souls and remind us to hold on to what is truly important in our lives. I hope all of you know who you are (you should I think you are the ones that read my blog most often) and how very deeply you have impacted our lives... we have been forever changed for the better simply because you are with us!
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