Is there anything more exhilarating that having your dreams come true? I don't think so. I have come to the recent realization that many of my most sot after childhood dreams have materialized in my life. They didn't come all at once, some I continue to wait for and one will never truly be realized as I had imagined but after the several trying and heart breaking years we have recently lived through it is important I think to maintain perspective. Admittedly I have spent many of my days these last couple years dwelling on all the things that have gone wrong or wished were different in my life. Recently though I been thinking back on my childhood (I suppose a new baby can have that effect on you) and I have noticed so many things I dreamt of for my future have come true.
The first one was how I longed for my parents to have another baby... perhaps I would even have been blessed with a sister. But my parents continue to assure me this will not happen. I suppose after 33 years it might be time to make peace with it. It will certainly be much easier now that I can live vicariously through Aubriel, although I am not so certain she may always remember to appreciate it they seem to be proving to start out with a strong bond at least.
Even before the addition of EilaRain to both mine and Aubriel's lives though I can say I have been very blessed with two cousins that have remained close like sisters. One just a couple years younger than me who's relationship must mimic that of sisters more often than not as it can be quiet trying at times but we always find our way back to one another. It is like that friend you may lose touch with but always know in your heart they are there for you when the going gets tough.
The other is the closest thing to a "baby" sister I could have. Born when I was 12, I spent many summers toting her around as my own just like Aubriel does now with Eila. She breaks my heart now with her worldly travels much as I suppose my own children will some day when they fly the coop but I couldn't be more happy for her. I remember all too well that thrill of new places and the next adventure just waiting for you to dive into. Hell, I still long for that even now with six kids in tow! I suppose she is another I live vicariously through so I could never truly be stricken over it.
The second thing on my "perfect life list" would be my sweet husband. As a child I could not for a minute wrap my head around why anyone would marry and wait to have children. Children WERE the reason I longed for a husband. But I did want someone who would adore me like my beloved Grandfather did. I have always known deep down that I would not be the easiest person to get along with so I knew it would take someone special to love me. That they would have to love me deeply and completely. I do not doubt that David must have been hand picked by my grandpa and placed in my life divinely because he is beyond what I could have hoped for.
He changed my views of why would want to marry for a while BEFORE having kids... of course that did not end up being the case for us but given my stubborn nature I don't doubt Kain was place divinely in our lives as well. I don't think either of us would trade anything about our lives together though. It is quiet the saga.
With my husband's sweetness came with it my fairy tale wedding. I was even lucky enough to marry my love twice and no it wasn't due to divorce... one just wasn't enough for us. I guess we are just that in love.
One I guess I never even noticed was such a big deal but it must have been for my husband to take notice of it. I always longed for a canopy bed when I was little... and then my parents bought me one! And then they sold it. Which broke my heart. Now before I make my parents out to be the most horrible parents on earth I suppose I should tell their side of it. They sold it because I refused to sleep in it. Being the stubborn child that I was I called their bluff. I very much still wanted to crawl into bed with my parents every night and thought for sure if I slept on the floor they would let me... but instead they sold my beloved canopy bed.
And I spent most of my adult life continuing to whine about it until my husband surprised me one day with this beautiful bed! It is far and away prettier than anything I could have dreamt up and I LOVE it! I feel like a princess in it and it has become my sanctuary. And since it was a gift from my love it has a romantic story as well. One of the benefits to having a husband that sells furniture I suppose.
But this one has to be my number one...
For as long as I can remember all I wanted to be was a mom. Ideally a mom of six. That unfortunately changed as I aged to 3 with the influence of other's opinions telling me how much work kids are and how costly they can be. As if any of these things really matter in the long run especially to the life you are contemplating their non existence. Luckily for me (and my last three children as well) I was guided to befriend a couple of people that made large families look normal. Little by little the opinions of others seemed warped to me and I was able to get back in touch with that little childhood heart that only knew the love of these new people to be.
Of course as a small child the "plan" was to have have 3 sets of twins but that of course was before I knew how much I would be in love with birthing these sweet little beings as well. Given my love of symmetry I planned on 3 of each although now that I see how perfectly the kids pair up I can see how it lends itself to better dynamics and I wouldn't change a thing. Of course I honestly think I could go for many more than just six now.
The thing that comes to mind that hasn't yet been achieved is my home that looks like a castle. I have always longed for something with beautiful stone work out front and lots of land for the kids to frolic about the grounds on. I had hoped to be settled into something that we could stay in throughout all of our children's year lives. I wanted the growth charts on the door frames and the hand prints in the concrete. Being that Kain is now 12 and we have lived in 5 different places since his birth that won't be happening for all of our children but maybe it can for most of them.
We are looking at buying a house again. It has been a long couple of years renting again. It has been especially hard on me being a the "home maker" but at long last I maybe blessed with a "real" home again. Something that is truly ours again.
This is a home for sale not far from us that would be my ideal dream home...
Of course the price isn't so ideal and well to be honest not even remotely attainable right now. And while the home search has not proven to be as fruitful as we had hoped given the current market we recently got a lead on the possibility of building. It seems a bit ridiculous to build with all these supposed houses on the market but we discovered our price range is the most picked over due to the recent tax credit given out not long ago. So everything we are finding we would completely have to gut and remodel anyway which would still but the cost of the house either at the top of or over our budget. Plus finding the area we want to stay in is adding another challenging element to our search. But we recently went through this spec home...
And are in the very early stages of trying to make this home a reality for us. I'm not sure when we will know for sure if everything will work as we plan but hopefully by the end of next month for sure. We have lots of things pending... one being our mortgage and two being location, so those are the first two things to be addressed and then we go from there. I will be sure to post as I have more to report.
After revisiting all my blessings I am not so much worried about the if as much as the when. Waiting can be a struggle which I was reminded of all too well these last two years but well worth the wait in most cases. Either way at this point I feel incredibly blessed for all I have been given in my beautiful life!
