Now I don't want to make it seem either like being thankful for our good health and that we do still have a roof over our heads isn't enough to be thankful for because it certainly is and these are the very things that help to pull me through each and every day half the time. But more than anything I want to be back at a place where I wake up each day and am really excited to be alive... that hasn't happened very often this last year. There were days that I would wonder if it would ever be like that again but perhaps I am just thinking maybe it takes just as much time to come down off of the crazy roller coaster that we have been on as what it did during the ride. The blessing I suppose in all of it is that like a roller coaster it seemed to be over before it got started and has left both Dave and I wondering where the last year actually went. I guess that is both bitter sweet for us right now as we get ready to reflect on the last year.
The year that so much of our lives together from the last 12 years has kind of all culminated. The birth of five beautiful babies in 10 years, the loss of two jobs, the loss of a home, the loss of relationships, the change in lifestyle and home life. But while all of these things can turns one life upside down they are certainly not all bad by any means and it is becoming easier to pick out and celebrate the many wonderful things in each and even appreciate the bad because hopefully they will lead us to something better.
As a Pagan we are suppose to celebrate the birth, death, rebirth process and with that each season as it brings about one of these aspects for us to reflect upon. While I love the idea of it all I have honestly always struggled with the letting go of it all. I love Autumn and so I could easily celebrate the harvest and most of what it brought with it, the fruits of one's labors throughout the year. Once we got to the Winter Solstice I could easily celebrate the days growing longer but there was always a dead time in between there where there did not seem to be much to celebrate. This year is much different though! As I watch the newly fallen snow I am thrilled at the thought this year coming to an end, not because we didn't have some wonderful memories because we certainly did but because of the promise of a new start the death of this year brings with it. I am all for our precious earth being covered in a wintery blanket and me releasing some of this baggage to her.
We set out a few days ago with the kids to chop down our tree. The walk amongst the trees all bundled up in the cold air while we watched the kids run through rows of pine trees looking for the perfect one. I think that alone may have been enough to lift my spirits but then to return home and decorate it I guess really made me realize all the things I wanted to say I was truly thankful for a few weeks ago but wasn't quite there. This season of death and rebirth is exactly what I needed and I can now fully appreciate that I really do still have all that is the most important in this world. My amazing husband and I set out 11+ years ago to create a beautiful life together and I finally feel like all of those mountains we encountered along the way were really just rolling hills. We DO have a beautiful life together, we have five, count them, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! really awesome kids, I think they make me want to pull my hair out daily but they are each so individual and bring something new, unique and special into my life each and every day. And David and I have each other, we have worked REALLY hard on our relationship and it seems to only get stronger with every little hardship we seem to encounter. So as we gear up for this years reflections before the celebration of rebirth I am feel renewed and finally like I can have a grateful heart for the life lessons I can take away from this year, grateful that a fresh start is upon us, grateful that I survived and mostly grateful for my dear friends and family that has stood by my, rather difficult to love, self!
No comments:
Post a Comment