Homeschooling For Me?

I think I ask myself this EVERY single year. Being that I myself was home schooled and had a wonderful experience with it I am constantly second guessing myself about sending my children to school. It seemed like sending Kain to school was good for him in many ways and sending both Kain and Gage to school was negative for Gage in many ways. And yet there continues to be things that come up with each of them where I feel it was the best and worst thing I ever did for them. I not only want homeschooling to be good for me but them as well.


This year they added 4 year Kindergarten to our public schools for the first time. Given that I think regular Kindergarten is too early to send kids to school I was VERY against this. My kids never went to daycare and most likely never will. I hate to say never since I have done that in the past with many parenting choices only to eat my words with later children. And quite honestly with the way Brody is I think at age 4 I maybe ready to have him go to school. But the first week of school this year there seemed to be an over abundance of crying children than years past and this just breaks my heart. I have been able to walk out the door leaving a crying child for an hour or so once and a while... I am not one of those parents that caters to every whimper. But I do think school needs to be something that both parties want to do. Otherwise I honestly believe you are setting your child up for a lifetime of poor learning experiences.


In my personal opinion I think school is started too soon and is too long. I believe it should be fun so children can get the most out of their education and many times children are burnt out long before they get the most out of it. This is one of the reasons I have picked the school for my kids that I did. They have a lot of grade mixing, older children teaching younger ones, this is wonderful for both age groups. They have a relaxed learning environment where they are able to help children set their own learning goals and the children are able to achieve that in a non competitive way. They children that need more help get it while the advanced ones are still challenged to keep their interest. I have seen this take place with both Kain and Gage and this structure has eliminated competition between them (at least where school is concerned). There is never any placement on who is the "better" student because this is not the focus of the school, it is a personal education, personalized for your child. But anyway I digress...


I went to pick my children up from school the other day a bit early and I watched as one lady tried to round up all of the 4 year olds on the playground. It was like the running of the bulls and she didn't stand a chance. Watching this gave new meaning to the word chaos! I pondered what a friend of mine (that does home school her children) once said about school... she said it is the closest thing to prison children can experience. Now many may find this offensive, even I myself was a bit taken back at first until I really gave it more thought. It holds some truths... they are told when to do everything, eat, rest, activities and even when they can go to the bathroom. Another friend of mine just spoke to me of the frustrations of picking up her 10 year old from school after she wet her pants because her teacher continually would not let her use the restroom. Another friend of mine once told me of a local school where the teacher had been giving her son a "time out" in a closet! Does the term being "put in the hole" ring a bell.


Luckily my children have not had experiences quit this poor but they have had to deal with bullies, both towards them and putting them in positions where they have stood up for their friends... the latter I feel is a wonderful personal quality I am proud to know my children posses but the other was a very troubling thing for all of us and I can see in many ways not only how it effected that child but my others at home as well. My biggest problem with school is that even with the best of intentions of teachers, staff and the way the school is set up child can still be mean and cruel. I know some will argue that this is life and children should have to get use to that and while I can see that point of view I do not believe I should be sending my children out into that before I have fully been able to cultivate their personal self esteem. That is what scares me and did so very much these first few weeks of school as some of my children would come home crabby, sad, angry and frustrated.


I was ready to take them all out then and there and probably would have if I had more confidence in myself. Not that I don't think that I couldn't teach them... I believe we can all be teachers but it is the inspiration I feel I lack. Last year I don't feel my children had teachers that could inspire them to their fullest and they probably would have been better off at home with me and surrounded by their family. BUT just when I was getting ready to pull them all this year we had our first teacher conferences.


And based on what I saw in each of their teachers, even though I still feel their personality could benefit greatly from being home, I am not sure I am ready to do it. My kids have great teachers this year! Teachers that I can say FINALLY follow the philosophy of the school (which I haven;t seen from a teacher since their Kindergarten ones). I see that they can offer something to my children I just can't right now; inspiration to rise above their talents and enhance them. Not just in the traditional, basic classes of math, reading and writing but to take these subjects and make them fun and easy for my children.


On a personal end, I am thankful for the wonderful friends my children have made and I will continue to hope and pray they can find a way to take comfort in all of them as they walk through this school year focusing on their great learning experiences from their teachers rather than the poor ones from other forces out of my control. So at this point I am going to take school one day at a time and leave them in for now while leaving the door open for that to change at some point down the road. I think this will always be an internal struggle for me as many things are with parents when we simply try to do what is best for our children but I am going to give myself permission to change my mind if need be and forgive myself if this isn't in their best interest at this point in their lives.