The Questions of Large Families...

I recently read an answered question on my friend's blog that is expecting her ninth baby. She said one of the most asked questions is "Did you plan a large family?" so she answered it is a very long (because of course this is never a simply answer), VERY beautifully written, almost speaking from my heart blog entry. Anyone who has a large family or came from one or even knows one would love this site of answers to thousands of questions that come our way every day. My favorite has to be... "We are not trying to overpopulate the earth, simply outnumber the idiots!" I think I am going to put this on a T-shirt.

So I thought I would try my hand at it, although figuring out which question is asked of us most often can be challenging to figure out. I wonder if it depends on how many kids you actually have as to which questions are asked most often. I think when you have 3 you can still glide under the radar so to speak. That is still within people's "normal" limits BUT once you add that fourth look out that is when they start to pick up and as I have noticed only gain speed with the fifth. So I suppose once you already have a large family people wonder if it was planned. I suppose with nine children they are done asking IF you are going to have more or not. But as I sit here with my small amount of only five children I think the question I get most often is "Are you going to have more?" And for the first time I don't think I have an answer.

Of course anyone that knows me knows that I love my children immensely and love having them. That is to say I actually love to give birth as well as everything that goes along with it which surprises many people. I think giving birth is such a powerful magical thing in and of its self but which each child my births have gotten more private for Dave and I and with that become more spiritual which is the way I believe this miracle of life was meant to happen. So I do not think the term want is what is in question.

I know a lot of people right now that are either pregnant or just had babies. Some of them first time parents and some of them VERY experienced parents. But what I confess to being insanely jealous of (in that over joyed, super excited for them way of course!) is that I know a few woman that are pregnant at the same time as their sisters. Those of you that know also know I do not have a sister. Something I longed for even before I knew my father made this impossible as long as my mother remained married to him, thanks Dad!

See for most of my life I thought a sister might be my only happiness with having a sibling. My brother and I have struggled with our relationship most of our lives. Probably not even so much because of anything either one of us did or didn't do per se but more because that is simply the way our relationship is. Perhaps it is because our age difference, perhaps it is because we are opposite sex, perhaps it is because of our up bringing, perhaps it is all of those things or none of them at all. I have never been able to put my finger on "where we went wrong" but I thought for sure that we had. But then a dear friend of both of ours once said something to me. He is the youngest of 3 and said to me "maybe the fact that you guys DON'T get along all the time tells you how close you guys really are. In my family we just don't do anything, so we never really fight because there is nothing there between us to fight about." I thought that was great food for thought! But anyway back to my point.

I think everything whether it is perceived as good or bad serves us well. Both David and I come from families of only one sibling BUT all of our parents come from families of four or more children. So both of us have such fond memories of Christmases at our grandparents filled with loved ones, reunions with many children running around, both of us being a couple of the older ones have memories of caring for our younger cousins and this brought us such joy. I believe part of our desire to continue adding to our family was the need to fill our or our children's lives or their children's lives with many loved ones surrounding them. So had our parents not grown up as they did and we did not have a concern for having the same for our children by only having one sibling we may not have some of our children... oh, who am I kidding we still probably would. But none the less our experiences influence our actions whether we are conscious of it or not.

So based on my experience of not having a sister, watching my boys grow up as best friends and watching some of my friends become or remain best friends with their sisters in adulthood I began to wonder how important having a sibling of the same sex is for someone. I am once again at a place I never thought I would be at, funny how that seems to happen more often as one ages. I never wanted to want a particular sex of child, I never wanted to care and for the most part I never did. I probably "cared" the most with Brody, I thought another girl would have rounded out our family nicely but of course once he was here and I watched his and Aubriel's relationship unfold I really believed that they were perfect for one another. With Ozzye's pregnancy I was leaning much more to "wanting" another boy. I watch how Kain and Gage are with one another, not that they are always nice to each other by any means, come on they are still brothers. But when one of them is gone doing something else it is clear to EVERYONE how much they really need one another. And although Brody will play house with Aubriel and LOVES the baby dolls he is also increasingly becoming more BOY like and many times is too rough for Aubriel... of course right now he is too rough for Ozzye but hopefully as they grow they can be just as close as Kain and Gage.

Which brings me to having another baby and a "fear" of having another boy. There I have said it, admitted it more, that I think I may FEAR having another boy. Now don't get this wrong, it is not that another boy in and of itself would be anything short of another wonderful baby. I love my boys and just about everything that goes along with them and I completely agree when people say boys are easier than girls. And with Aubriel being as much like me as she is I sometimes wonder if we could handle yet another "me" in the house. But I know that I longed for a sister my whole life and even now as I watch others, like my friend expecting her 8th as I think she races her sister that just had her 9th (what fun family events must be for all of them!) I can't help but wonder if I am missing out on something. I have tried many times to fill that role with friends and sister-in-laws and even cousins but sometimes it does not seem the same. Maybe that falls on me, maybe I only think I know what it looks like but I lack the follow through it takes as my mom's relationship with her own sisters was more of that as a mother do to things in her life. But I think as Aubriel cried out "But I wanted a baby sister!" as Gage announced that we had yet another boy at Ozzye's birth may play on my own desires more than anything. She is in love with her baby brother's right now but I have already started seeing changes in her relationship with Brody and them playing less and less while my boys seem to remain strong. Perhaps that is all that happened with David and I with our siblings of the opposite sex, we just grew and changed while doing so. She does love being Ozzye's "mama" and has to hold him daily BUT she also still draws her "baby sister" in our family pictures.

So will we have another baby? I guess I don't know. I would love to have another baby in our lives some day. I would love to have a sister for Aubriel. I would love to be at peace with whatever we get. But for now I think I need to work on releasing what I do not have control over, trust my children will get the experiences in life that will best serve them and simply leave it be for now. Much easier said than done for me but we have been so incredibly blessed up until now there is no reason to think any more children wouldn't offer us the same. Many times it is hard to see the forest through the trees and this has proven to be true so many times as we have welcomed another little person into our lives. When I can sit back and look at it all unfold it is so perfect for each of us!