When we decided to go this birth alone, just the two of us, with our children and my mother present to help with them, it was mostly due to us not wanting to find another midwife when ours was not available. As much as we love our midwife I had heard way too many stories about midwives that were not much better than most Dr. with trying to manage the birth. The thing that makes our midwife so wonderful is that she really doesn't do much unless truly needed so we could not imagine finding another.
But as I read more about Unassisted Childbirth the focus of our birth change drastically. I think the most interesting thing I read was about how unassisted childbirth can strengthen ones marriage and bond to one another. Dr. Michel Odent writes in the article...
"Why Laboring Women Don't Need Support"
"It's well known that opiates induce a state of dependency. When mother and baby haven't yet eliminated their endorphins and are close to each other, the beginning of a deep bond is created. In fact, when sexual partners are close to each other and impregnated with opiates, another kind of bonding may result that follows exactly the same model as the bonding between mother and baby."
I read more from him on how when one gives birth because of these hormones the mother will also bond deeply with the person closest to her during the birth. Unfortunately this person most often ends up being the Dr. or the midwife for most women rather than their husband. Even though David was close to me through all my births after this one we both realized how he had been holding back. It was easy to "take the back seat" so to speak and leave everything up to our attendant. But with this birth David was fully present, he was able to be intimate with me and support me in a whole new way which could simply not be achieved with another person there!
I started having a few contractions at Aubriel's gymnastics that morning so after I stopped into Dave's work just to update him. I decided to go home and time them and give a call if anything changed. Once home I noticed they were about 10 minutes apart. Around noon they started coming close more like 5-7 minutes apart. I called Dave a little after noon to see what he wanted to do. We decided he would call me in another 30 minutes and see where I was at. During that time my mom called me since I had been talking to my cousin online and she had called her mom, who then called my mom and she of course called me (good news travels fast I guess). So my mom said she would leave work about 1. Then Dave called me back a little before 1 and said his lunch had just gotten there so he would come home and eat with me before deciding if he would go back or not. He got home at 1 and while eating lunch together I had 3-4 more contractions so he decided to call them and let them know he would not be coming back to work. My mom showed up soon after that. We had Chinese for lunch and our fortune cookie read: "You are capable, competent, creative, careful, prove it."
I was still feeling pretty good and was walking around in between my contractions. My mom helped clean a bit and then around 2 we started to set up the pool in our living room. Then at 3 my mom left to pick up the boys from school. While she was gone I had a HUGE contraction that just didn't let up. Once it finally did I decided to get into the pool even though it was only about 1/3 of the way full but just soaking my belly in it felt so good. So we continued filling it when we had hot water to do so. My mom took pictures and sat with any of the kids that wanted to be there.
Dave sat behind me outside of the pool. With every contraction I had he would rub my back for me. Everything he did was perfect, we seemed to have this unspoken understanding. He would reading my body language and just act instinctively with what I needed most at that time. As they got more intense I started to push during my contractions as it felt right and good to do so. Then I felt the head drop past my tailbone with one of them. I kept reaching up to see what I could feel. With the last two babies when I could feel the bag of water it was either already out or very close to it. This time every time I would reach up it was still about 1 1/2 or so inches away and I remember thinking that was too far to go, that I couldn't do it. I knew this was transition but was afraid to to even say what I was thinking because I thought it had to be MUCH longer before he would be born. Then with the next contraction my water broke, first time ever for me (I have always had it broke for me). The kids checked the time and it was 4 PM. I knew then that he would come fast and I remember thinking I wasn't ready, that too much needed to be stretched yet. I quickly asked someone if the video camera was on so then my mom turned it on and came and knelt next to Dave. 
I leaned back against the pool and Dave was right behind me, I pressed my face against his and tried to hold myself with the next contraction. It felt so good to just be touching David and have his arms around me. I just remember thinking I needed to slow it down some how and wasn't even really sure if that is why I put my hand there or if it was to feel for the head. Then as the head came flying out it reached the point of no return and I no longer wanted to slow it but hurry up and get it out. I pushed through it and moaned something to David... not even sure what. Then his head was out. I felt it with my hand and even remember thinking that it felt smaller than the other kids. I never even thought to check for a cord or anything, I guess I like to think I would have if I had needed to. Then the next contraction came and it felt like I was pushing another head out with his shoulders, then they rotated and the rest of him came out. After I felt him rotate I leaned forward and picked him up out of the water. David just started laughing, probably from relief and started telling me how wonderful I did and how proud of me he was. I am not sure how many kids were there for the actual birth, I know Kain was but they were all there moments after. Gage got to be the first to tell us what he was this time, it is such a highlight for the kids!
We sat together in the water for a while. Then I got out and nursed him while we waited for the cord to drain all of the placenta blood into him. After about an hour we tied and cut the cord. Gage did the honors again this time but without running away after the first cut like with Brody. Then we weighed him and got him dressed. We could not believe he is our smallest baby yet at only 6# 5 oz. My mom and Dave cleaned up the pool and then my mom ran out and got us all dinner and a birthday cake for our new little man.
I don't think I could have asked for things to have gone more perfect! It was such an incredible experience that has bonded David and I in a way I could not have imagined before. Birthing unassisted together with just our family was truly the "full circle" of how his life in utero began, private, intimate and completely surrounded in love! I would say I wished I had birthed all my babies this way but I am not sure we would be here without the experience of our first 4 births!
1 comment:
What an awesome birth story! Your family all looks pretty pleased with the new addition. Can't wait to meet him! :) Congratulations again!
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