Pictures from Easter Morning...

I thought about writing a bit about our Easter and why still choose to celebrate it despite the "fact" that it is a Christian Holiday but honestly I am feeling a bit lazy this morning. Let's just say while I respect all other religions I kind of think Easter has to be one of the most ridiculous that Christians try to claim as their own. I mean even if one could find some evidence to support that Christ was born in the middle of winter (which they now think is quite crazy in and of itself) at least it falls on the same day every year!

Easter is determined every year by the Spring Equinox, the first full moon after that and then is held on the first Sunday to follow. Could that be any more Pagan? At least Christmas is simply held near the Winter Solstice but you don't actually need to acknowledge the holiday to figure out a Christian one. So Alas we love Easter, named after a Pagan Goddess. We love to celebrate the Spring time after a long cold winter and all the life that bursts forth with it. We love the warming sun and the budding blossoms! We love the promise of a new season and cycle the Equinox brings with it and the renewal again, many times here in the great north (since we are bond to see yet another cold snap after the 1st day of Spring which we did this year) that Easter than brings with it... or as in years past is seen even several more weeks after Easter. But never the less we like to call forth the brighter days that we know are on their way.

Well how is that for someone that decided not to write much?! Okay for real though let's get on with our day. It was quite and beautiful and we enjoyed our down time at home from our busy schedules spent with family! We hope everyone else enjoyed their holiday and celebrating whatever newness was brought into your life this year!

Yay, for summer!

Okay it isn't really summer but it feels like it to us so there you have it! Aubriel even came in all sweaty complaining about how hot it is outside today. Kain has the day off so the kids have been outside in the sunshine all day and are now taking a much need rest on the couch.

My brother has been staying with us for the week while he waits on a few interviews. He has one today and we are all holding our breath as we wait for good news. The poor guy has been bombarded with our children bugging him none stop which I am quite sure only makes him miss his own family that much more as they wait back at home for updates on the process. It has been great having him back but it just doesn't feel the same without the rest of his crew with him. I know our kids are especially excited to see everyone as well!

Here in no particular order are some pictures of the last month as we transitioned from winter to summer like weather. I love to see what the kids pick out to wear based on the weather and how they feel about the day...Okay this picture isn't an outside one but was far too funny to not post and yes he did pick out what he is wearing!My friend's daughter whom Brody is in love with. Aren't they adorable?And that would be me riding Kain's bike in the background as he took this picture...Getting ready for a game of tag!

Almost Afraid to Talk About it...

... for fear I might jinx it. I thought I had finally reach a point in my life, after 32 years of looking for some type of approval and/or relationship with my brother, that I just didn't care one way or the other anymore. It had taken much longer than I expected. I had tried like hell in the past to not let anything bother me since I had little to no control over how things went down most of the time anyway and quite honestly it seemed like many times I might never get to that point where I could simply "be" with whatever happened. But I did! I truly did... that is until this last week.

These last few months when it came to my brother and my husband once again wanting to smooth things over between all of us I felt an emotion I never had before. It was a complete disconnection to it all. I could sit back and just be happy for him to have his friend in his life again without the added stress and baggage of it being my brother I would never be good enough for, or at least how I felt most of the time in our relationship. I had a peace come across me like never before and I was indifferent to the end result. And then something unexpected happened...

Dave got a phone call from him and talk started brewing about them moving back here. Moving back! After 12 YEARS! Honestly that was something I think both of us at one point had hoped to hear but by this point in our lives never expected any longer. And like THAT, in a blink of an eye I became that little 7 year old girl again caring all too much about family bonds and my brother's love. After all he IS my brother, my only sibling. So excitement started to build, not just for my husband and children but that is certainly where it started (all of them have felt the effects of this tense relationship more than anyone perhaps) but for me. The thought that maybe we can find a way to have something again, anything, even if that is simply a best friend for my husband and some extended family for my children, REAL family, the kind you can call when you truly need something, the kind that will be over in a heartbeat because you are falling apart, the kind that doesn't judge your short comings because they know they could be there some day too. This of course all things I longed for, for myself but more than anything have prayed for it for MY family... the one I have created with my love.

And so I sit... everyday... with a lump in my throat and my heart in my hand... waiting for another update on what could be. And I wonder too if I actually ever got over anything at all. Did anything in me really change or was it more that I simply surrendered to what was? I wonder how I can be so hopeful about all of this if I really had reached the point I thought I had... the point of indifference. Can one actually want something they felt indifferent towards just one week earlier? I am thinking probably not... so once again I have to say, I miss my brother and his family, I love them and I always have... no matter what... because to me that is what a family is and I can't show anything else because this is simply who I am. I can't long for something for my children I don't believe in and I know my wounds would not have been so deep in the past without this self truth rooted in my soul. I am not going to lie and say I am thrilled to be opening myself up again a possible hurt waiting just around the corner but I am actually over the moon about this potentially new beginning for all of us and the opportunity for great healing to take place!

"Great deeds are usually wrought at great risks." ~Herodotus

Mid Winter Break

I am trying to get caught up on some pictures at long last... After the holidays are wrapped up the winter seems to drag on even longer up here in the great North so a few years ago we discovered the best way to keep our spirits up until the snow melts... WATER PARKS!We stayed a the Wilderness, in Wisconsin Dells, again this year. Not only do they usually offer great deals in February but we LOVE the wave pool!We did of course take in the rest of the park but I would say we easily spent 60% of our time at just this park alone.I only wish I had a workout at home that was that much fun... after the first day if I would have felt like that from the gym there is NO way I would have gone back for more.Back at the room...