Still Struggling

While I still struggle with what to do with the children come fall about school I have made some decisions and the last I feel is most likely made as well. Open enrolment for choice public school ended last week and while I thought I would be adding 3 kids to the Aldo list I only ended up adding Kain. While Gage and Aubriel showed minimal interest in returning to school Dave and I both felt they didn't truly know what they were asking for. In addition to that we would be lying if we said we had any desire at all to disrupt the magic that has seemed to take place within their little souls.

Aubriel's drive and passion to learn has endlessly amazed us. She keeps busy in all that she does with her free day and many times spending hours at her choosing working on her workbook. I fear school would squelch this fire in her faster than she could blink her long eye lashes! Plus I have seen the effects of "trying to measure up" with piers in my boys and have watched how much harder this seems to hit girls. I love that Aubriel does not seem to be bothered by any of that in the least. The girls she spends her time with are not trying to put her down to build themselves up, they show a mutual respect for one another which seems priceless at this point in their young lives. I can honestly say without a doubt this IS the best place for Aubriel right now in her life!

Which of course brings me to Gage... he seems to be a much different story. Perhaps it is because his is a story of rebuilding that person that was a victim of not measuring up to other's standards. While he doesn't yet seem to have the same thrill for knowledge that Aubriel has shown he is definitely showing improvement. It is slow coming, yes but I have learned to see the giant steps in the smallest achievements, such as listening from the bottom of the steps as he (my "slow" reader) randomly picks up a book and reads it cover to cover perfectly without any suggestion from anyone. he didn't do it because he knew I would be listening or because anyone made him or even asked him for that matter, he did it simply because he knew it would bring him personal joy and to me, at this point, thinks that is worth much more than a year of being taught nothing but how to be a good student. This in turn gives me hope that he will find his way back to where Aubriel is someday soon! Of course his largest accomplishment of the year has been finding himself again. Discovering that he is a joyful child and he can still do things that make him happy simply for that reason. Since my friend's visit back in Oct. Gage has started carrying with him a sketch book and he draws ALL the time. I couldn't be more excited for him that he has found this part of him and I love to watch him nurture it! I am confident that the rest will come with time.

So for those two and really three I suppose (since Brody had requested to go to school as well) they will be home schooling at least one more year. Kain is another story however. He of course would like to stay at Aldo, entering 6th grade this coming fall. However since our move the drive to and from school has put more of a strain on our family at times which made us rethink our options. Kain while he very briefly considered switching to an actual middle school since some of his friends may do this he ultimately decided that he would rather home school that switch schools. This is not to say that he is the least bit "okay" with home schooling since he figured he would simply be able to stay at Aldo. But with the up coming changes to all of our lives Dave and I took the opportunity to discuss pros and cons of all of our options and the biggest thing that keeps coming up is us as a family and how we are relating to one another. Not only have many of our days spent together feel as though someone is missing, since Dave works mostly nights and all weekends and has week days off, but we simply could no longer tolerate the attitude Kain was bringing home with him every day. I have spoken to both parents of public schoolers and home schoolers and even some that have done both and yet it is only those with children IN public school that tell me this is "normal" child behavior for his age. In fact the one mom who had her kids in school then pulled them out and then sent one back, then pulled her out again, has said this behavior has only shown up when one or more of her children have been in school. That may have been the nail in the coffin for us. We can no longer stand to have our household turned upside down every day at 3PM and round the clock on weekends. Since we have grown quite attached to Kain and have decided after 11 years we would like to keep him and see this through, we see no other option than to keep him home this next year to at least give it a try.

Now I would be lying if I said this is not what I want because it most definitely is. I have wanted to home school all of the children since Kain was 5 but watching the emotions he went through when I broke the news to him I could do without. I figure if nothing else it should be good practice for when he is a teenager and hates me every other day anyway but that gives me little comfort right now. Luckily for me while I know he is upset about it he is a level headed kid and is not exhibiting hating behavior, at least not yet (fingers crossed). That maybe because while we are leaning towards this we have not completely made up our minds just yet. We did enrol him in Aldo as well as two virtual schools (which is just like public school that you do from home) and he does first need to be accepted to each of these. I have bought myself a bit more time since I don't have to give a final answer until June but I think I still weigh all options on a daily basis.

Looking at his life and all the different things his school has to offer him we felt that he clearly must be staying there for social reasons. Which not that, that is not a valid reason, he his much like his mother I suppose in that respect. However he lives for playing sports which none are even offered at his current school, academically he is advanced in all subjects and works ahead but is never allowed to move up, and in 3 years time most of his friends will be splitting off into several different high schools since he attends a choice school right now. The ironic thing is once upon a time these were all things I liked about the school but part of being a good parent I think is supporting your child in the person they have become and not who you want them to be, which is also the reason I allowed him to make his own choice about school last year, however also part of being a good parent is to help guide your children in the direction that will best suit their needs even when that is not what they "want."

Like many things throughout my children's lives this is something I have been wrestling with for a while... trying to get the needs of 7 human beings met to the best of our ability while at the same time maintaining the family life all of us share in. This has not always come easy and I know I have made my fair share of mistakes along the way but if it is one thing I have learned you will never know something for sure until you try it out for yourself. I think when everything boils down this is the best year for us to try it out and see how it goes. Nothing is forever and I think that has become the mantra for this year... while I can say here my "baby" is 11 and we have him at home with us for only 7 more years, he spends more time every week with people we don't know, who's values we may not value, nothing is forever so I think we owe it to ourselves to seize some of this precious time we have left while we still have it... I can also do that while saying nothing is forever and if this ends up not fitting we can always looking at making changes again next year. Nothing is Forever...